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New Intergenerational Education: Story Machines Raise "Artifacts"
[New Intergenerational Education] On the issue of parenting, we have discussed too much from the perspective of education: its advantages and disadvantages, how it can be improved, how it has Chinese characteristics... In short, to "make children better The premise of education, as a macro-education proposition has been fully fermented by public opinion, so that many novice parents or young couples who have not yet played this role, talk about letting the elderly help to bring children to change.
Is it so scary? When are we simply blaming the disputes raised by the generations on the father's life philosophy and their "backward" education style? I am used to the contradiction of all three generations in the same way.
Even if there are no children, the contradiction between husband and wife, mother-in-law, Weng and even relatives will sooner or later break out through other means, such as the decoration event on the "divorce catalyst list" and the child's first decoration event, house purchase event, etc. . Their common characteristics are: Everyone is not a good person, but everyone has the right to express their opinions, and there are good reasons to fight for the most powerful.
It’s just that the education is more versatile and continuous than other incidents that cause disputes. All the adults who argue around the child will subconsciously ignore the truth: Before the birth of the third generation, family conflicts between big and small Already exist, different living habits, generation gaps in various values, friction between various relationships... But before stepping on the bottom line of tolerance, the two sides of the conflict will not tear their faces.
The child is the bottom line. But this does not mean that without it, those relationship conflicts do not have to be taken seriously. On the contrary, it is for the sake of children that we must face up to the family relationship problem behind parent-child education.
Thanks to the various drawbacks of the generations of exposure, they actually remind us: The family is like a child, and there is always trouble in the process of its growth. But if we can solve those difficulties in time, it will not be a violent beast to educate the children of the two generations.
(first time)
The child is an increaser, which magnifies the contradictions between family members or hidden or hidden. Through the perspective of “intergenerational education contradictionsâ€, we can completely deconstruct the contradictions between members.
Obviously, in raising children, there is no conflict of interest between the members – perhaps the only conflict is that everyone wants to be on the top of the list of “becoming a child's favorite person†– all rushing to pay. But why do you pay more and get hurt more? With one more child, the family relationship has changed rapidly since then?
Authority dispute
Humans also have a sense of security in the field like animals. For example, when we take the elevator, we try to keep at least one arm away from strangers. In the male and female female heads, when women are the masters of the family field, they can divide the sphere of influence by occupying different spaces, and also show their irreplaceable influence and status by choosing the male members.
This is the root of the contradiction between mother and daughter. Before the child is born, the conflict between the two women can be appropriately reduced by rationality, but once it becomes a mother--the grandmother is also the mother's identity in essence, the power of sensibility is greatly enhanced, and the conflict must be uncontrollable.
Since the birth of her daughter, the infighting between Jiang Qing and her mother-in-law has become clear.
As a typical northern family, men rarely participate in the enlightenment education of infants and young children, and mothers take on the responsibility of family education. Who is leading? The two generations of mothers are not only a struggle for educational ideas, but also a battle for family authority.
Previously, they had only had a simple court defense in the distribution of the field. The mother-in-law sticks to the kitchen and the living room. Jiang Qing occupies the master bedroom and the study room. There is no intersection, and nothing happens. But the child broke the calm. "Children are the most important thing in the family. The things related to her are cross-cutting."
Because of the preparation of baby food, Jiang Qing began to enter the kitchen frequently. The dissatisfaction with the mother-in-law's lifestyle was spurred by the child's name. The food in the refrigerator should be packed in a sealed crisper, which is hygienic and not savory; fresh and cooked foods belong to the cold fresh layer and the cold storage room; the diet should eat less red meat and eat more fish and shrimp, eat less staple food and eat more fruits and vegetables; Boiling water should be burned every day, drink fresh... the habits of young people, the old man would not have listened before. But nowadays, for the "children's health", the mother-in-law can no longer be indifferent. This made her feel a crisis - she was about to lose the authority to control the kitchen.
As a “backlashâ€, after Jiang Qing’s end of maternity leave and going back to work, the old man began to take care of his granddaughter in his own way. When the young mother came home and saw her daughter crying because her legs were tied up, she was so upset. In the places that I can't see, what other ugly parenting customs are used in my children? She couldn't help but think in the worst direction, and she was even more eager to prove that at least in bringing the child, she is the "speakable person."
Jiang Qing relies on learning ability. Every day, she browses through various parenting blogs to learn about the latest research results in parenting at home and abroad. Well-known education experts go to Shenyang to hold lectures. She has time and will definitely go to her husband. Gradually, the belief that supported her persistence in going to work and taking the child's double exhaustion has little to do with the child itself. "I just want to convince the elderly that what I insist on is right. She can't do it."
The "I am the authority" of the arrogance, the other mother as the enemy's leaping mentality, sometimes not only between the mother-in-law relationship.
Studies have found that before a child goes to kindergarten, it is the period when mother-daughter relationship is most likely to deteriorate. Compared with the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law, the mother of the previous generation has a stronger desire to control the novice mother. The daughter will always be a child no matter how old she is, and she should follow her own arrangements. This is unacceptable to the daughter who has already established a family.
Psychology believes that a family has two generations of mothers, especially when they are blood relatives, there will inevitably be a contradiction similar to the "Queen Bee": The old generation does not allow the new generation to challenge or even replace their own authority, if the new generation does not leave in time The hive builds its own new kingdom and it faces the danger of being killed.
This contradiction between "no provocation of one's own authority" and "must leave, a new beginning" is particularly evident in places like Huchuan and Xiangxiang, where women's status is higher.
“Grandma will not only hurt the grandmother, but also have a daughter who can fully communicate with the children.†Hot mom “Happy Sister†shared a similar parenting on WeChat, but her relationship with her mother did not exist in practice. Because they live under one roof and have the same revolutionary task, they are closer.
“I often quarrel,†she told reporters, and because of the identity of her mother and daughter, the two sides even talked even more unkindly. “Sometimes I feel that it is better to let my mother-in-law bring it. After all, both parties will worry about the feelings of her son and my husband. One step. "
She has long wings and she feels that she can give orders to me. So hard, don't ask me to help bring the children. Sometimes being discouraged, the mother-in-law will catch the niece complaining. I know that the mother Mo Ruo, "Happy Sister" thinks that this is just the mother's desire to regain the identity of the head of the family: she regards the child as her own belongings, and wants to reflect the desire to control everywhere. "But I am in my thirties, she is still a master, I really can't stand it. Besides, now I have children, I don't want children to be controlled by her."
Old and unfilial
In the view of Luo Jing, a psychologist at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, when young parents always complain that their grandparents are not good at their children, there is usually only one reason: they threw everything to the elderly, and they feel that they are born to let the elderly enjoy the family. Le, taking the child has nothing to do with yourself. They take the elderly to take their children as a matter of course.
“In the investigation, many elderly people expressed unhappiness, they felt very tired.†Bringing children is a family fun? She scoffed at some young people's views.
A static TV series of emotions was deeply impressed by Luo Jing.
In a certain program, because of the problem of intergenerational education, children and parents turned their backs. When the son accused him of feeding the child and not changing the child’s wet clothes in time, causing him to get sick, the old mother grievances and cries, saying that he is Helping the boss to bring up the child, the body is already inferior before, but I think that the younger son needs himself too. He can't take a rest and go to another city. As a result, when he arrives, his son will not let go, and the wife will have to work. The size of the family is the old couple doing. "Are you the nanny you invited?" The old man screamed at his son.
Young people themselves have not taken up the responsibility of raising their offspring, but they have always accused their fathers of being backward. It is extremely selfish. This program is very indignant. Previous public opinion focused on the fathers, and then told young people to be considerate and give suggestions for improvement. But now there are more and more young parents like this. To solve the problem, we must start from cultivating the responsibility of young parents. "Do not care for the students, not good parents."
The conflict between generations is far from the difference between values ​​and life concepts. The media person Chen Jing has also placed young parents who lack sense of responsibility into the category of “old peopleâ€. Although the economy is independent, they rely on their parents to handle life affairs. “Speaking is awkward. In the first and second tier cities, please ask for a reliable parenting. At least 5,000 yuan a month. Parents are also blamed for helping their children free. This is not What is filial piety?"
Mutual doubt
Although the problem of parenting has been criticized by young people, many people still have to give their children to their parents for various reasons such as work and body. The contradiction between “not giving care to parents†and “can only be handed over to parents†makes them entangled.
Can you look at your grandparents with a developmental perspective? 4. When the more enlightened 60 is on the stage of parenting, the young parents are the time to give the old enough trust.
Fang Qing sent the child back to the parents' home in the country after the month. She works in a foreign company, in order to create a better future for her children, at least for the past three years, she decided not to miss any chance of promotion. "Actually, my dad is better than my husband. My mother is better than me." This self-confidence comes from the experience of parents who helped raise their eldest son.
When the eldest son was sent back to his hometown, Fang Qing also experienced the same suspicion as all urban mothers. Is the rural environment safe? Will the child get timely treatment if he is sick? Her impression of the countryside is still stuck in the year of her high school entrance examination. The medical conditions are simple and the old man's concept is old. If a fever is burned, the child will burn into a fool.
Later, she realized that the old concept was her own, and she suspected that the parents, in fact, even the most basic trust between the family was obliterated. Later, she admitted to her father that the material conditions were too good for the children. Value, the result has forgotten this."
The story of the grandfather’s grandfather’s grandfather’s education was later reported by a newspaper in Zhengzhou. “The wonderful grandfather raised a super-independent grandson.†This report tells the story of the former rural teacher Fang Yiye’s all kinds of things that make the mother look anxious: cooking for children is not very good. Pay attention to, often do "kindergarten meal" - a bowl of meat and porridge to the grandson to eat; temperament slow, seeing the grandson being bullied, still happy to watch the fun; always let the child wear dirty, not yet Let the warmth, other children's children still wear big cotton jackets, the grandson wears spring clothes; often let the children go to the ground to play, Fang Qing first saw the black and thin son in the summer, the tears almost came down Husband is even more concerned about bringing the child back to the city.
Fang Qing feels that he is not remorseful. When he sends the child to his hometown, he will say it to the old man. He will raise it for three years and go back to kindergarten. She took the child back in a year, and she was afraid of hurting the heart of the old man.
Now, the eldest son is in elementary school, and his body is the best among his peers. Even if he has a fever, he will recover in three or four days. And he is not picky eaters. He is very fragrant because he has a lot of exercise and he is not fat. The head is still very high. Interpersonal relationships are also very independent.
This matter is known to the later generations. Not all the elderly are stubborn and conservative. The foolish parenting is not the patent of the rural elderly. The elderly who are willing to learn and open-minded like their father are now more and more, and even many people still teach books. Experience. They can also use WeChat, play the camera, do the PS, and go to the north to go to more places than their children.
The parents who know the most about their parents should be children, and vice versa. Fang Qing concluded that it is a pity that, like the novel "Pride and Prejudice", many children and parents now look at each other with colored glasses. "We don't trust each other, not just taking children."
List of "artifacts" raised by generations
NO.1 full cutlery
— The elderly no longer feed their children to avoid cleaning, including children's dining tables and chairs (with washable plates), bowls with suction cups, three-dimensional rice bowls, large mats that can be placed under the dining chair (also Prepare a lot of newspapers at home.) These things allow children to eat themselves, even if they are dirty, it is more convenient to pack.
NO.2 Complete safety protection tool
- Let the elderly hold less children, and bring children easier
Including an oversized climbing mat (or a thicker floor mat), a fitness rack and other toys, anti-collision strips, socket protection cover and door card, special knee pads for infants (mainly used in the crawling stage). When the old man sees The children's playing environment is safe, as long as they follow the care a little, they will relax.
NO.3 story machine
— It’s hard to make old people difficult to make them a story expert
There are many "toy dolls" that tell stories in the market, which contain many children's songs, stories, Tang poems, etc., and the resources can be updated. Most importantly, Mandarin is more standard than the elderly. In this way, when the parents are not at home, they can let the old people play the stories or music in the story machine to the children. Almost every child will like them. (The child looks at the adult and puts it a few times. He also learns to operate.)
NO.4 radio
- lest the elderly always take their children to watch TV
In order to help children with their children, many elderly people come to the city where their children are. They are difficult to adapt to unfamiliar environments, so TV becomes their most familiar partner. In fact, the world in the broadcast is also very exciting, the story, the nostalgic song channel, the elderly like to listen. As long as the old man is reminded to turn down the volume or bring headphones with the radio, the child's vision and hearing are protected.